Beyond physical intimacy: how lovemaking deepens relationship bonds

When we think of intimacy, it often brings to mind sex. However, intimacy occurs on more than just a sexual level and is not exclusive to romantic relationships.

Intimacy can occur in the form of recreational, emotional, spiritual, and intellectual experiences. Lovemaking can be a great way to boost intimacy in your relationship and bring back that spark.

1. Physical Touch

Many couples associate physical intimacy with sex, but it can be so much more than that. Intimate touch shows affection, connects energy and can build trust over time. Even non-sexual touching, like stroking your partner’s hair or holding hands, can be intimate.

Physical touch releases oxytocin, known as the “love hormone,” which promotes bonding and can decrease cortisol levels and heart rates, which are associated with stress. It’s important to communicate with your partner about their preferred forms of intimacy and to respect their boundaries. And remember, physical intimacy can be as simple as holding hands while walking through the park or cuddling while watching TV together. Non-sexual physical intimacy is just as powerful. You can use it to increase sexual arousal, or simply to show your love and appreciation.

2. Eye Contact

During sex, eye contact can deepen connection in a couple. Staring deeply into each other’s eyes calms the reactive part of the brain and can lead to emotional intimacy, trust, likability and bonding.

In fact, avoiding eye contact can send a message of disinterest or hostility. But, the amount of eye contact that is just right will vary with situations and settings, personality types, gender and culture.

For example, Japanese and Navajo people prefer less eye contact. Additionally, some individuals with neurodivergent brains have difficulty looking into other’s eyes. Nevertheless, the overall trend indicates that eye contact is important for effective communication and bonding.

3. Talking

When it comes to creating and nurturing an emotional connection, it’s essential for couples to communicate. Having meaningful pillow talk, where partners can discuss their feelings without the filter of self-censorship, deepens love over time, he says.

This type of conversation may happen before or after sex, but it’s not limited to that context. Instead, it can involve talking about future plans and goals for the relationship, as well as sharing more general emotions like fear or anger, he adds.

It’s also important for couples to prioritize intimacy outside of the bedroom by spending quality time together, such as with a massage. This can help reinforce a sense of trust, security and bonding that makes it easier for them to lean into each other during sex.

4. Listening

The intimacy of love making can allow you and your partner to communicate on a deeper level. You may want to whisper naughty secrets, moan, groan or even scream during your sexual encounters to connect with one another at a physical and emotional level.

Good listening skills are essential for developing a strong relationship bond. Actively listening to a person, being mindful of their feelings and needs, and remembering small details shows the other person that you value them.

Avoid behaviors that can indicate you are not listening, like changing the subject or trying to convince your partner of your perspective. Those who feel they can talk freely to you without being interrupted or judged will be more likely to confide in you. This is called deep listening and it requires compassion and empathy.

5. Learning

The deepest part of love making is learning. It is learning about the other person – their thoughts, feelings, desires, and quirks. It is learning how to best communicate and connect with them. It is a time to strip away the layers of inhibition and allow your true selves to connect with each other.

As Thought Catalog points out, having sex can be done for a variety of reasons: lust, intimacy, boredom, relief, to exert power or control, and to fulfill expectations. However, to be considered love making, you must have a genuine emotional connection with the person as well.

Developing this kind of connection takes time and commitment. But it can deepen your bond and make you feel more secure in the relationship.